My blonde Moment of the Year

You were thinking by the title, that this is the best story of Vic for the year, and its not! Tommy was doing the evil lead pickup in the front yard last Saturday. I call them evil, because the get everywhere, and they can't be stopped. Like most men, I love power tools. We have a leaf vac, that shreds and picks up leaves. I can flip the handle over, and it becomes a leaf blower. I was blowing leaves and didn't think I was moving enough leave so I shut the engine off. I removed the chute and put my hand where it wasn't supposed to go. Ouch, cut my index finger on my left hand! Vic raced me to emergency with 12 stitches to follow. All the warnings I didn't heed, and this is what I get.

I also broke the tip of my finger. Serves me right. (Stupid move). The only thing that I can say when people say, "how are you?", is "it hurts!" The other thing I noticed and took for granted was the amount you use your index finger. From typing to shoe tying, to tie tying, to shaving, to eating, to typing (rhe instead of the), did is say this sucker hurts.

I will be fine, and it's amazing how many stupid things people do on the weekends. The emergency nurse said they get 2-3 of these things a weekend! Stupidity abounds when you mix men, power tools, and weekends! Sorry it's been so long for a post. I'll try to do better!

Tommy rhe tool man....

Number 2

What a title? This refers to my Second born Ashleigh. She is the creative one of the family, and a true blond. She has many funny stories also, but I wanted to share some of her famous work on flash. Flash is a type of moving video, sound that is web based. Most of the cool web sites on the internet use this. She is very talented and very funny when she does these.

Here is a link to one that she did in the last few weeks. The characters are Sissy (Elisabeth Little), Dad (Robert Little), and my Mommy (Jean Little). This is funny, so turn the sound up a little, and don't laugh to hard out loud if you are at work....

Ron's House

Ron's house is coming along very well. I can't believe how much work and money he has spent on this place. The house is in Toledo, Ohio. I was built in the 1930's. It has many cool old things, and he has done a great job in updating it. I added a slide show you can see some of the work he has done. If you really want to know who much he has done, check it out...

Not a blond thing, but stories of Teki and him should start another blog on home improvement.

Link to photo show

Enjoy... Tommy

Vic + Door Handles + Indians (Vic licks history)

With a title like that, you must be scratching your head and wondering how in the world you can connect the dots between Vic, Door Handles, and Indians? You will have to really read closely, and follow along. I will draw you a map, and then you will get it.

Ok? Lets go!

This is a continuation of our trip out West for Spring Break. We went to Northern Arizona, and Las Vegas, where Vic's Mommy Val lives.

On our way to Flagstaff, we passed through many interesting places. There are a lot of Indian reservations along the way with smoke shops. I'm not sure what they are doing, but its probably not preserving any fish or beef.

The big joke everywhere I go is "There's Tommy's door handle." This is a good thing to pass time, and my company (Apex Spring & Stamping) does a ton of door handle springs for almost every car company on the road. You mention a brand, and I have a spring in one of their door handles.

Remember the VW commercial in 2001 with the guy outside licking the door handle to claim the car. I will try to find this video clip and post a link so you can see it. It's funny, and the guy basically runs to the car he wants and beats a couple to claim the car as "his". He licks the door handle. (See Picture above)

Ashleigh has done this with food, and this is a great way to claim it as your own? She mostly does it with doughnuts and sweets. I'm not sure of the origin of this ritual, but it works. Well, we are driving in North Western AZ. and we a talking about the Indians. I mention, that I can't believe how long they have been in the area, and so much longer than the White folkes that came over the mountains or from the West. It was amazing to all of us, some of the culture and the impact the Indians had in this area.

Vic thinks for a second and says the following. "It's like the Indians licked the door handle first! in this area" I looked at her and all I could do is shake my head. Vic admits that she has never been strong with history. I watch the history channel all the time, and she watches Oprah. She just looks at me, and says "I don't care about Hitler, and is this the only thing they talk about on the History Channel?" I'm very careful on this blog to make Vic look funny, and not stupid. In any case, if I do the later, I could be history.

Viva Las(Vic) Vegas (half empy or half full)

Spring break started out with a bang! After some mix-up on Vacation time, Vic, Liz (my niece)Shel, and I started for Las Vegas to visit with Vic's mom Val. Because Vic had to pick up Liz in Manchester, Vic decided to leave from Detroit. I, not sure that I was even going, got a last minute ticket out of Chicago. I was to meet them at the car rental place at the airport, and go to Vals for the first night. I flew Southwest Airlines and was delayed 1-2 hours. I was to get the car and possibly pick up the three at the terminal. Well as plans go with air travel, nothing works. Plans change, and planes, luggage and people are usually late. Vic and the girls were waiting at the airport car rental agency for me. When I arrived at the rental, I was surprised by the rental. It was a brand new HHR wagon. What a car! It was new and cool. Everyone liked it! I know that I'm a ford guy, but I was impressed. Kim Herman is now smiling!

I had to go into the rental place to sign the rental agreement, so Vic and I could either drive the car. The usual things for driving some else's car. Vic complained the car was only full 1/2 way. I thought to my self, that seems odd. These guys are pretty good about filling their cars. The rental agent had sympathy, and told Vic to let the guy at the boot know, and it would be adjusted on the bill. Vic was pretty upset about it, and I thought it was too late to bother with this small detail.

We loaded up the car, and I turned to see the parking Nazi booth. He is the guy you have to get too and past to get out off the lot. Also, what's up with those backward spikes anyways? If you back up, you blow 2 tires. Why do they do that? Another unknown mystery...

Anyway, I start the car and the tank was Full! I looked at Vic and said, what gauge were you looking at? I glanced at the temperature gauge, and I was 1/2 way up. Vic, you were looking at the temperature gauge! We all had a good laugh. This was a honest mistake, but I keep telling Vic to get some new reading glasses.

It was a great time in Vegas, and Northern Arizona. Good times were had by all!

This is So not a Blonde Moment

What a Day. Shelby has been trying and working so hard the last 3 months. She has always been my smart one of the family. (sorry Ron and Ashleigh) I take that back, all my kids are smart. (Ash is standing over my shoulder as I type, I'll change this later.) This is my brag for my family. Its not really a blonde thing, but she is blonde. This is the opposite of blonde. This is pride and pure unadulterated bragging.

Shelby has been competing on the Science Olympiad team for Grand Haven, Michigan for 3 years. This is a very difficult team to get on! They have up to 100 kids competing for a 15 person team. I'm not sure about this number, but It's hard to get on the team! Shelby being a 9th grader, became one of the anchors of the team competing in 4 events. Science Olympiad is a national competition which is throughout all states. It tries to increase the interest in science things. To me, its a giant nerd convention, and man are there are some very competitive nerds. I think I was a nerd. (excuse me, I'm still a nerd-just ask Shelby! Oh and Vic too.) Check out the picutre above. I have a pen in my pocket! I don't have a pocket protector or tape on my glasses. I was talking to a friend today, and it seems you fall into three categories. (Band nerd, Smart nerd(Science O.), or Jock) Shelby falls into 2 of the 3 categories.

Grand Haven high school has been a national champ 2 or 3 times and been runner up a few other. One of the reasons is the feeder system (Lake Shore Middle School, and White Pines Middle School) Both junior high teams finish in the top 3 spots in regional and state almost every year. White pines wasted the competition this year at regionals. Oh, Shelby is on White Pines Middle school team. I also forgot to tell you, 9th grade competes with Middle School.

Shelby finished first in Bug identification, and had (2) 9th place finishes and a 16th in another event. There were 53 middle school teams competing for these top spots. Way to go Shelby!

I wonder sometimes about how she got so smart. Especially as I type and the spell check can't even figure out what I'm trying to spell. I cant even get the spell checker to guess? Man, I spell bad. After saying this, who's the blonde, and who's the other in the mix of the gene pool that created Shebly. Maybe I'm the blonde? We will never know, but I do know that Shelby is a chip off the old block. I should ask my mom if I was ever blonde in my early days?

Almost Famous quotes from Vic

Vic has been called many things. Some can be repeated, others can't. Here are just a few that I can remember. Others are famous quotes.

Famous Titles

Vic the "dyslexic movie reviewer"

Vic the "Travel Expert", advise when she has never been there.

Famous Quotes

V: What part of the church building is "59 West" in?

T: My response, "you have got to be kidding me, right?"

V: Is "Cape Fear" a scary movie?

T:My response, "you have got to be kidding me, right?"

V: "Where is a good place to eat around there?" to a truck driver at Walmart....

T: My response, "you have got to be kidding me, right?"

V: “Ron has a new female-friend before the photo‚ of the last are developed.

T: My response, "you are right"

V:Shashleigh come here! Ashelby come here! who ever you are come here!

T: I think our children need name tags.

V:"The little oil light just comes on once and a while."

T:"You have got to be kidding me, right?"

Vic has never been very good with the maleness or femaleness of animals. Our current cat is a boy, and she constatly calling him a her. Also, tiki, Ron's dog goes back and forth between being a male-dog to a female-doggie.

Is this normal? Do other people do this? I'm not sure, but with Vic involved it becomes thunexplainableble Vic factor." It also makes for another "blonde thing" moment.

More to add, as I remember them!

Do you have any that you can think of? Let me know by your posts!

The Great Derecho (Big Wind)

The great Derecho of 1998. I've always said that Vic likes to talk a lot, but she never could compete with this monster storm. Matter of fact most of women in my life all love to talk. When Vic gets together with fam, I sort of retreat for the nearest TV and watch the oxygen get sucked out of the room. Man can they go. More words per minute than I can even count. Now that I'm mud, I'll shut up about women.

Back to the storm. It came early in the morning of May 31, 1998. The storm devastated West Michigan, with Ottawa county,(were we live) took one of the biggest hits. See picture above. Ottawa county had wind gusts of 130 miles per hour. It moved quickly across the county and state within hours. Downtown Spring Lake was devastated. This was the closest thing to a mid west hurricane or war zone. I've never seen anything like it since. The storm isn't the story, but it's what happened the week before that makes it a blonde thing blog story.(btbs)

Our house was purchased with a large amount of big oak trees surrounding the house. We literally had a canopy of trees above our house. No sunlight would even get near the front of the house, and we had a hard time growing grass. We decided to have 3 trees taken down. One very large one on the corner of our house and two other smaller ones up front. The small trees were so big, that I couldn't wrap myself around them and touch. No, I'm not a tree hugger, and don't get any ideas that I do this stuff. The trees fall with a boom. I was at work, but Vic said you could feel the trees hit the ground all over. When the tree guys were done, they took the tops, and Vic decided to leave the logs. I come home not knowing this and freak out! I had to cut all of these up, (loved the chain sawing)but it was a ton of work. Vic said we needed fire wood. I said, "We could have bought fire wood down the street for as much as we burn the fireplace!".

This is the week before the great Derecho. I had so much wood, that I couldn't give it away. I don't know if this was a blessing in disguised, but we didn't have one branch fall during the storm. The only problem was you couldn't give wood away, because everyone had wood to give away, and they were paying people to take it away! I think it took 4-6 weeks and the final giant log was removed from our front lawn.

I was mad at Vic for all the extra work, and she was just trying to save money! Things come and go, and storms blow and storms go. I loved the results.

The grass now grows twice as fast, (more work) and Vic has such wonderful gardens. She loves the flower beds up front, and I call it, "The Jungle." I think most of the stuff are weeds, and then Vic comes up with some fancy name. My Uncle Jim always identified all growing things as "Choke Cherry." I use this all the time. Vic thinks its old material rehashed. I'm now the great derecho of harbor view drive.

Free Re-Decorating (Vic+Toddler+Paint)

As I've mentioned in the past, Vic is a wonderful painter. This story is right out of the history of how to get you house re-decorated.

This is what you need:



1-Vic painting walls and ceiling
2-Shelby or any toddler 1.5 years old
3-Semi open paint can left alone with toddler.

Vic was working in the front room painting the walls, windows, and ceiling. What bugs me is she never learned to take the faceplate off the outlets. I still to this day can't get some of the outlets to work because they are painted shut. I also remember not being able to open the front windows. Thank goodness for Air conditioning.

Vic leaves Shelby to roam the house one day while she was down stairs getting caught up with the endless mounds of dirty laundry. Shelby being the toddler she was, examines the paint can and spills the can of paint all over the carpeting!

Vic tries to clean up the mess, but there is just no way of doing it quickly. (Before green machine) I come home, and Vic had pulled the coffee table in front of the spill on an angle to keep Shelby from walking in it. Shelby is behind the table squishing up and down like she is making wine in the grape vat. The picture above is the paint and whats left of the "blue onesie" That Shelby was wearing.

Now your are wondering, what a mess, what is for free? Vic is on the phone, (like when isn't she) talking to someone, and they said "turn it into the insurance agency, they will cover the replacement of the carpeting." Vic turns it in, and they cover the cost of the carpeting. Funny thing is, the carpeting was in the front room, into the front entryway, down the hallway, and in the dinning room. All this carpeting was covered! Free floor covering. I used this joke for a long time. If you need some free decorating in your house, leave shelby and a can of paint in a room long enough, and she will spill it. She was for hire. No one bite, but it was funny.

Now Shelby, my little one, the youngest is 14 going on 20, and she has now surpased the 6'0" mark. My little one has grown up (sad). I've grown also, but not up. (mostly out).

Now she is for hire to babysit. Funny how times change, but stay the same.

Redocorating with Vic has always been fun, and this time, all the costs were free!

See-Saw

I like chain saws. They have the feeling of power. They destroy the wood, and make chips so well (when they are sharp). I love the smell of fresh cut wood. Oh to be a logger. I think in the back of my mind, I was going to be a logger or something that involved power tools. (Every little boys dream) After growing up on a farm, where powertools was a way of life, I'm become domesticated(neutered). Like a dog or cat, tommy lives in the burbs.

I do have some clean up once and a while in the yard. We have these very large oak trees, and they are always dropping large branches. I decided to go the domesticated way, and buy a electric chainsaw. I know, I'm a burb wimp! No need for all that power. The big problem was getting a big ticket purchase past Vic. She wanted a hand saw(no gas needed). I wanted a 18 inch Stihl beast, that could cut through anything. We settled on a electric saw, and I made the noise of the Stihl saw when no one was looking. Electric saws are great because they start when you have power to them, and they are really easy to operate.

That is if you grew up with them. (Vic didn't). I think the closest Vic got to a chainsaw was a TV commercial for the logging industry. I'm from Waltonsville, and Vic is called "Hollywood" by her co-workers. We are definitely on opposite ends of the farm boy, city slicker continuum. (if there is one) Did I ever tell you opposites attract? (Green acers)

I have always been leary of Vic working with power tools. She loves to use them, especially when I'm gone, (That scares me!). We have some trees that invade our backyard, and Vic decided to start cutting on them. The only problem was the branches that she wanted to cut were very high in the air. She took the step ladder, pulled it over to the fence, and started reaching and sawing. She is standing on the top rung, hugging the tree with her right hand, and sawing with her left hand. The problem is she cut under a high branch and the saw pinched from the weight of the branch. The chainsaw is suspended in mid air up in a tree, and she had no way of getting it down. Vic starts pulling on the cord and raising the branch to get the saw down.

I told her not to cut the trees, because I felt it was to dangerous. They were too high, and out of reach for our step ladder. Well, now the fun begins. The chain comes off, and Vic panics. She doesn't what me to find out, and she has no way of getting the chain back on. She runs around to different hardware stores to see who will fix it. She finally lands at a place, and the guy gives her a funny look. (Like why can't your lame husband do this?, it only takes about 2 minutes?). She explains, he laughs, and the chainsaw is back to normal. Tommy never finds out, but it makes for a good story in the chapter of power tools.

Some day I might get my own gas saw. For now, I'm content with the electric one. I do get my fix when I go home to Mom and Dads. He is the grandfather of the powertools. He was the one that got me addicted! (got to love him!) I just try to keep Vic from them, because they are a manly mans toy... Oh that's right, I'm an electric burb wimp kind of guy.

Chain saw hints....

Good news, Ron is the next generation of fueling the power tools addiction!

Vanagain

Vic and cars. You have heard a lot about this topic. Well, after the loss (sale) of the Jeep. (Vic will never let me forget this!) We had three cars and had to sell one of them. The jeep sold the fastest, and it was Vic's sacrifice to the family. We were stuck with two cars which were mine. The Mercedes beater, and the "stinkin" Lincoln. Vic drove the Lincoln, and she disliked it very much.

Well, Vic has an attraction for cars that are like hers in any way. If one person she knows has a car, then every car that looks like the car is her friends car. When we had the Aerostar van, everyone with an Aerostar was the brother or sister of that van. When the car drives by, she will wave and beep her horn to say "Hi". Most of the time its someone else, and do we get funny looks. One time she tried to run someone off the road that she was sure was a friend! (it wasn't)

We have a friend named Kevin. Kevin owns a office supply business, and drives a white delivery van. The van is a ford panel van with no windows. I can't tell you how many times when I've been in the car when the family sees a White panel van. Someone always yell "Kevin!" The crazy thing is there are thousands of these vans running around delivering stuff. Most are not Kevin.

One day, while Vic is running around in the "stinkin" Lincoln, with Ash. Near them, a white van passes, and Ashleigh yells, "Kevin!" Everyone in the car turns their head, but the problem is, one of them was the driver. Well, forgetting her local to other moving vehicles, Vic bumps into Ford F-250 truck's rear end. The truck bumps a car in front of him. The car in front of him just happens to be Ron's old boss from Burger King. You can see the picture. Vic is catching up on Ron's old boss, and the guy in the truck is livid, because he is getting no attention. What a sight!

I'm not aware of this, because Vic and now the willing accomplice, (Ash) hide it from me for 3 days. I never noticed because Vic parked the car in the garage so close the front.

I always get on Vic when she is driving. She can multi-task three things while driving. Makeup, cell phone conversation, plus driving! It makes me crazy when she is looking all around, "look at the sunset." or something like that. I love my wife, but I've learned, Kevin in not always in the van again.

Travel Trips by Vic

Fire the travel agent....

I've already fired the maid, dishwasher, cook, and gardener. I love to travel and so does Vic. I like ski vacations, and she likes cruises. Even though we are on opposite ends of the destination, we have had some very funny stories.

Our trips to Las Vegas have been very interesting. OK I know you are thing, why would the Little's go to Vegas? For those of you who don't know, Vic's mommy (Val) lives in Las Vegas. I love it because she's close to Golf and Skiing. Vic loves it because its... just....Vegas. The strip is very interesting, but we tend to gamble very little, and love the sights.

On one trip, we get to the airport, and find out that our trip to the East was the night before. Some how Vic had looked at the tickets, and saw the date and thought 1:00 am was the next day. I can understand her confusion, but she has never been time challenged. Come to think of it, she is time challenged. I'm a 5 minuet early kind of guy, and Vic is whenever we get there. Also, I can't tell you how many times she has under estimated the time to do something, and we end up being late. I guess we have all done this... (ask me about some of the home projects)

Anyway, we get to the airport and find out that we have missed our flight by 22 hours! We beg to get on the next flight to Detroit, Chicago, or anywhere in the Mid West. The next flight we could get on is leaving in 15 minutes. So Vic and I are running through the airport like OJ Simpson. Running around people, and jumping luggage. What a sight!

We or course don't sit anywhere near each other on the plane, and I get stuck in the row with a football player who weight about 300 pounds! I sitting there sick to my stomach, and crushed against the side of the plane. Just like the TV commercials or stories about air travel.

We are on the plane, and then the steward pages Victoria Little. I'm going now whats up? Vic had left her purse on the ticket counter, and we are now holding up the plane, because they need to get her purse! What a flight, I never claimed to know this woman, who delayed the flight. I heard grumbling, and sank lower in my seat.

Simpson's we are not, but the thought did cross my mind to do something to Vic. Just a thought though. I've come to the conclusion, that travel by air is and adventure of the "Vic kind". I love my wife, but there is just never a dull moment with Vic and Travel.

Travel tip number one: 1 a.m. means 1 a.m. ....

Did I tell you that I fired the travel agent?

Repaint, Repaint and Thin No More

Vic has always been a great painter. She goes to other people’s houses to paint. I think she could have been a professional painter. Over the years, we have worked our way through each room in our house to repaint or redecorate with wall coverings and paint colors.

This story is a good one. We had just redecorated our basement, and put in new carpeting. Vic had painted down the stairs to our basement to cover up the old dark paneling. That night she left the paint can semi open at the top of the steps. In every house, there is a place that people accumulate junk. The doorway to the basement and the top of the stairs seems to be one of our places.

That night the door was shut, and either the door or the cat "Evil Kitty" knocked down the paint all the way to the bottom of the stairs. There was white paint on the walls, and on the new carpeting (in puddles). The carpeting was 3 days old. In the morning, Vic went to let the cat out from the basement. She quickly shut the door after seeing kitty prints all over the stairs (Evil Kitty had walked through the paint!)

Every morning, my usual routine is to get up, shower and shave and get ready for work. Vic or I will usually go down stairs to get Tommy(Me) a fresh pair of “Under Bunders” and other articles of clothing. This morning, Vic was unusually helpful, and made sure that morning there was no reason under the sun that Tommy needed to go down stairs to get anything. Of course, I didn't notice anything unusual, becuase Vic always acts different at time without reason. What is normal anyway?

The second I left for work, she headed for the garage to get our live saving contraption called the “green machine”. If you don’t know what one of these is, then you don’t know what life you are missing. It’s a little spot-cleaning machine for stains in the carpet. I think the carpeting should have been professionally cleaned, but Vic did all the clean up work without me knowing. Vic has become a professional at hiding the bad from Tommy.

You are wondering about the headline “Title” of this post? That’s the punch line to a funny pun. Here’s the beginning:

The New Pope wanted to get the living quarters paint color changed quickly before he moved. The maintenance monks (MM) didn’t have enough of the color the Pope wanted, so they thinned it out. The thinning was a poor choice, because the old color showed through the new color after drying. The MM knew they were in trouble, so they went to confession and confessed their sins. The title is what the Pope said after their confession!

Bad Kitty

Our most current cat that still lives with us has many aliases.He has been called:
"Hitler Kitty"
"Kitty Bin Laden"
"Toonces the Driving Cat"
"Frostbite"
"Cat"
"Dead Cat"
"Take my Cat for a walk; Tie him to your bumper"
"Take my Cat, Please!"

Do you get the feeling that I don't like cats? Blame it on the Sullivan’s. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with genes or something. Blame it on Canada if you want, but indoor cats serve no purpose to the scheme of things. The only good thing is that when we leave on vacation, we can leave food, and water, and the cat just does fine.

Funny thing though, our cat thinks he's a dog. He is starved for attention, and wants to be by us all the time. He will not eat, until someone is in the kitchen with him. He wants to sleep with everyone, but we keep him out of Vic and my bedroom, because of allergies. You can play with him, and he has a long tolerance for being bugged. (I think I had something to do with this.)

Our funny stories with cats don’t start with Frostbite (his real name). But I thought I might start with him. Ashleigh had transferred to Spring Lake High School as a sophomore, and I think her junior year she had to do a report on WWII. She decided to film a depiction of different events. It was well thought out, and well done for someone doing it at the last minuet.I gave her the Idea of being Hitler, and using the cat as a prop. She used frostbite as "Hitler Kitty." I died laughing, because she put a little black tape above the mouth. Ashleigh even had the cat salute the camera. I think it reminded me of the Dr. Evil, and Mini-Me on Austin Powers’s movie.

I think we lost the tape, and Ashleigh was happy. Ash is my creative one, and she tries very hard to make people laugh. This was unforgettable. A future blog could be started just on the funny things Ashleigh has done….

B.T. and the MGB

Vic's first love. She was in love with her MGB from the first day she got it! What a car. This was B.T. (Before Tom). Our marriage was not the start of her antics. She has many good ones from her childhood. I guess you will have to talk to Val (her Mom) about those. Maybe I will? This story was told to me by Vic, so you get it from the horses mouth so to speak.

When she lived in Grand Rapids, she had a house on Koyt Ave. on the North Side. She had her MGB parked in the garage and she drove it all the time. While backing out of the garage, she still had her door ajar and rammed the open door right into the track of the garage door. As things go with Vic, things went from bad to worse. By the time her significant other got home, Vic was on the lawn, the car was in the driveway, and the garage door was on the lawn sprawled out all over. Vic had the neighbors come over to get the large door off of her car and herself.

Vic and trailers, Vic and backing up, what next? A life of new and old material to write a blog about. I can dig up things from the past, but another MGB is not one of those.


This year, I finally gave in and let Vic purchase a modern MGB which I call "Miata". She cried when she got it. Women are so emotional. All I know is that I'm third in line right behind two cars.

The Snippet

Remember the lion in the wizard of Oz? This post has little or nothing to do with the movie. Remember when the lion and the rest of the main characters go to OZ and get a full body makeover in the salon? The song is called "The Merry Old Land of Oz". In the middle to the end of the song it goes, "Snip, Snip here, Snip Snip there." Remember that song?(Click here to hear part of the clip)

Well after our third child was born, Vic was hinting that it was time for Tommy to get the tubes cut. Ouch, I wasn't very interested in this proposition, and after the fact, now I know what a cat or dog feels like when master takes fido or fifi to the vet. to get fixed. Vic started out very subtle, and the hints increased rapidly.

One day, Vic was working outside. We have hedges outside our house, and she was trimming with hand hedge clippers. (The power hedger was broken; she had trimmed the electric power cord in half!) When I drove up, she walked toward the car with the hand hedge trimmer singing..... You guessed it.... "Snip, Snip here, snip snip there!" "I can fix you today!"

I think the next day; I made the appointment and went in for the tube cutting. She went along "just to make sure". When the Doctor came out after the procedure, he said "Tom did very well in there, and he will be fine." Vic answered right back, "I don't care how he did, how did you do?" Funny things just never stop with my wife! This was what I call, "An expression of Love, the snippet kind."

Channeling

Did I ever tell you Vic is passionate about cruise ships and cruising? I think she watched too much Love Boat growing up. (She admits to this!) I think she would have been Julie the cruise director. Taking care of everyone's needs, and having a blast doing it! (such a mother hen)

I surprised her with her first cruise, and she cried. The next cruise was on the Disney cruise line with the kids. (Ron was in College) When I saw the bill, I cried. The last cruise was with friends from church. 5 couples went for 7 days, and we had a blast!

This story is from the second cruise, the Disney cruise. In preparation for the event, Vic was wondering where the cruise ship port of call was located. Being geographically challenged, Vic said, it must leave from Orlando. Now if any of you know, Orlando Florida is where Disney World is located, right smack in the middle of the state.

I said, "I know no body of water big enough to float a cruise ship from Orlando to the ocean." Vic answered right back, " Oh yah, well I know, the Disney channel." She was serious. I started laughing and I rolled my eyes.

I thought that was so funny, that I submitted it to Readers Digest. No response from the literate snobs. Cruising with Vic is never a dull moment. So much to do, so little time!

Trouble with Tupperware

Tupperware is such a wonderful invention. What did we do without it? Many meals have been saved when they should have been lost because of tupperware. The only time I can remember the use of this evil stuff is when it gets caught in a dishwasher. The smell of the plastic burning stings your nose and your eyes.

When I think of tupperware, I think of Vic. We had just purchased a new gas stove. I never liked gas, because I grew up with electric. Things move at a faster pace with gas. Electric is nice and slow. I get on Vic all the time for piles of papers and stuff she leaves on the stove. (fire hazard number 3)

Vic was making meatloaf the night before, and to keep the cat away from the raw meatloaf, she stored the big plastic bowl in the oven. As things go,Vic gets busy, and she forgot about the bowl. The next day, I was in the TV room taking a nap. When dinner needed to be prepared, she pre heated the oven.

The next thing you know the bowl is melting and the plastic is dripping on the first rack, and then onto the base of the oven. As usual, Vic goes into panic mode. The smell was terrible, and the house fills with smoke. Vic and Shelby rush around the house to open all the windows, and fan the smoke detector to keep from setting off the alarm. "Keep Tom from waking up" was her goal. I think I remember waking up to the terrible smell, and walked into the kitchen.


Vic had put the rack outside. All the windows in the house were open, and the bowl was literally fused to the rack. The rack and the bowl were together forever. In my ignorance, I attempted to extract the bowl from the rack with a razor knife. I spent about 2 minutes on this and there was no progress being made, so I gave up. Vic had to call the manufacturer to get a new bottom and rack for our brand new stove. I thought we had a picture of the bowl, and if I can find it, I will post it.

There are many more stories about Vic and cooking, but this is a classic for all times. Did I tell you that Vic is a fantistic cook!

Ice Scream

"You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream."

I love Vic, but sometimes she just does some really funny things. This really is two stories in one, so hold on to your seat.

As you know, we now have three cars. I have a Mercedes beater (1995 E300 Diesel (260,000 miles), and Vic has two cars. She has a Toyota Rav 4 (Winter beater) and the Miata (her Summer love). This Summer on a shopping trip to Sam's (her favorite place to shop), we started moving through the store. She heads for grocery, and I of course go right to electronics. We usually end up meeting 30 to 60 minutes later for checkout. I beg for a big screen TV, and she says "No". After evaluation of her picks, that took up a whole shopping cart + some. (multiple gallons of drinks, watermelon, and large food items), I asked her how in the world are we going to fit this in our car. She answers quickly, this should be no problem, the Rav can fit this with no problem. I had to remind her the we drove the Miata, not the Rav. (She forgot what we drove in, she was driving)

Well if you know small cars, the Miata is one of the smallest. The trunk holds nothing but flat things like paper, and maybe a overnight bag squished down to a thick piece of paper. Vic started bailing on stuff, and the cart ended up being half full by the time she was done. The watermelon didn't make the cut.

After we were done, I told her I would pack the car, and she was going to get Ice Cream for Shelby. Shelby loves ice cream from Sam's, and Vic will bring a cup home as a treat once and a while. I packed the car and there was not one ounce of space in the trunk. The last thing I remember putting in the trunk was a large pack of flat bacon. Other stuff ended up under Vic's legs, but it was only a few items.

With ice cream in hand, I drove off with Vic and a very full car. We had the top down, and the early evening was a little chilly. I put the heat on the floor to warm our feet. The ice cream had started melting in the car and was a little liquidy. Vic, thinking that the cool air would cool off the ice cream, takes the cup and holds it up over the windshield. Now, you know what happens next, the ice cream splattered like a shotgun blast. It starts with her face, sunglasses, hair, clothes, car seat, car side window, top cover, trunk. It was one giant splatter!

I just could not believe she did this! I started laughing, and in a few minutes after trying to clean, Vic was laughing so hard she was crying. It was a scream of the ice type.

If the Shoe Fits

Vic and shoes. Vic has always made fun of all the different purposes of the shoes I own. I have shoes for golf, shoes for walking, shoes for driving (driving slippers), shoes for cross training, casual shoes, shoes for mowing the lawn, ect.

When Vic was growing up in Texas, she never wore shoes. Its not that they could afford them; kids in Texas just never wore shoes. Her favorite pair of shoes to do all purpose anything in is called a clog. Being in the vicinity of Holland, Michigan and her being "Dutch" most of the time is why I think she likes these shoes. They are also easy to take off and on in a hurry, which is what Vic is most of the time anyway.

After purchasing a new pair of clogs from the Bass shoe outlet in Holland, she was very proud of her purchase. She wore them bravely and proudly. In the summer, Vic loves to work around the yard. She creates a jungle of wonderful flowers, bushes, and other things which I think are just plain weeds. I do like her to cut the grass once in a while, which she loves to do(when she can get the mower started-power tool). This one time, she decided to cut the lawn, but she was wearing her clogs. To move faster, and Vic being in a hurry, she decided to remove her clogs and cut the grass in bare feet. (Not recommend by any lawnmower or power tool company, warning, don't try this at home!) Well rounding the corner in her cutting, she runs over one of her clogs and almost cuts it in half! She had a clog projectile flying around. Good thing is was made of rubber.

If the shoe fits, wear it, as they say. Youall (Texas Talk) think I make this stuff up. Well, here is proof that these stories are true.

Here is the picture of the clog for posterity. She now cuts the lawn in shoes, and I never know what will be next in the line of "Vic and power tools".

A Trailer with a Hitch

As I've talked in the past, Vic has always been in love with whatever she drives. The one car she had a hard time getting rid of was the 94 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo with a brush guard on the front. I called it the cowcatcher, or the "Trees fear her" look. I was confident, that anything that impact the front of Vic's car would pay for it dearly. She would win. It would lose.

Well even though the front was covered, I didn't expect a rear attack. Ron our oldest son was moving to Kalamazoo to attend Western Michigan University. My company had a trailer that we could borrow and use without a problem. I borrowed the trailer; Vic came to work to pick it up. The only thing I told her was to drive the trailer home, "It's a straight shot home." Park it on the Stones. The stones are parallel with the road, and all she had to do was just pull over. I said, do not back up the trailer, because you have difficulties doing it, and when I get home, I will back the trailer up so we could get Ron loaded.

Vic is cheap, frugal, Dutch, cost conscience, Scottish, or whatever you want to call it. She loves to find deals in many different places. Well, one of these places is garage sales. To me, garage sales are another place to get rid of junk before you toss it. (Last chance sale) Well 1/2 mile down the road from my work, and she sees the 3 foot sign with orange lettering. Everyone knows what it is, except maybe me. Vic pulled into a garage sale, and the sale was in a half circle drive. When she pulled in, she thought she could swing around and out the other side of the drive. She was wrong. She tried to back up the trailer, back and forth, moving forward and back, but the trailer kept going in the opposite direction. Then there was a crunch! She jackknifed the trailer so bad; the front of the trailer dented the back quarter panel of the jeep. But the funny part was she did think anything had happened, so she went home.

Ron likes jeeps also. He now owns one. He would take our jeep on special off road trips, and would never tell either Vic or I about them. Ron had taken the jeep that previous night, on an off road adventure. Vic was so excited to show Ron the trailer that she ran in the house, and got Ron. To both their amazement, there was a huge dent on the back quarter panel of the Jeep. They both stopped in the grass, each thinking they had caused the dent.

This is it gets interesting. Ron thought his escapades caused the dent. Vic thought she had caused the dent. They literally had to measure the dent height to the trailer to see if Vic could have done it. But whatever you do, don't tell Tom. As usual, I find out later, and we all have a great laugh about the whole situation.

Later that year, a wind gust took a trampoline, and rolled it right into the dent and made it worse. Vic got the dent fixed for free, and the story closed on a happy note. Vic said "God was looking out for me, and he surly has a sense of humor.”

All I can say is that Vic has still not learned how to back up a trailer, and she still does a good job on keeping mishaps from me.

The morel of the story is this: Don't let Vic back up your trailer.

Square Peg-Round Hole (Vic's Van)

Vic and auto's has always been a love affair. If she can't feel it, then she doesn't like it, and will not buy it. The 1986 Ford AeroStar Van was just one vehicle in a long line of cars we have owned. It was a necessary evil, because on kids. I think every Mom with more than 1 kid needs a mini-van. (What did we do without them?) I always said, it was a choice between a van and a semi-truck, because of all the stuff you had to haul around for a weekend at grandma's.

We had many good times and many stories about this mini van. It was our home away from home, and it served as a mode of travel, hauler, and just about everything else.

One time, just before taking a trip to Florida, Vic decided to rent a roof top carrier from Sears. It was nice, since we could put up all that travel, baby stuff, and use the back for a play area for a the kids.

On her way back from picking up the carrier, which was put on the van, she pulled into our driveway. Ron was in the yard playing, and Vic drove right by him waving, and as usual, in a hurry. Well she decide that the Van needed to be in the garage, and proceeded to pull into the garage and rip the car top carrier right off the van. You should have seen the look on Ron's face. (ask him the next time you see him)

When I got home, Vic told me the story, and all I could do is shake my head (what else could I do?). Well this type of carrier was attached by straps and clips to the drip molding on the top of the van. Vic gave me the mangled, bent clips and asked me to bend them back into shape. There was no way this could be done with a vise and hammer, so we were stuck. We had to call Sears, and beg them to replace the clips so we could leave the next morning. (Very interesting conversation)

Vic has always been the square peg in the round hole kind of person. If you look at life from a different angle, then getting there can be half the fun. This time the peg didn't fit, but it did add to the dent on every side of the van stories.